Definitely the most personal thing I’ve written down and published here so far. Basically it’s about how everyone, some more, some less, needlessly makes life a little harder for themselves without really noticing it or wanting to notice it. I can only speak from my own experience here and fall back on existing concepts. But basically I think everyone can take their own part from it and maybe recognise themselves in some situations.
Where do I start? Probably best by roughly explaining my situation, without diving too deep into it. For quite a while now I’ve been doing better than I have in a really long time - that sounds great and it definitely is, but it also means that for a longer stretch I was doing rather so-so - which isn’t quite as sexy. So what’s behind all this? There’s no completely clear, definitive answer, of course, only one very clear opponent who stood in my way for a long time - me. And no, I don’t want to turn this into an inspirational thing, because that would be almost a bit too corny. It’s more about simply writing down what blocked me, because that helps me enormously, and maybe it can still be a support for one or two of you.
The most obvious and most common factor that makes people feel worse than they are is the big competition: comparing yourself with others. A problem that has existed forever, slowly nests in people and quietly thrives. Only, while it used to be comparing yourself with, say, the neighbour or your colleagues, today you can battle with pretty much anyone in the world within a few seconds. And thanks to the wonderful, great, super-fast and clever algorithms of every social media platform, we also find the best people in exactly the things we’re really into. And that’s a good thing too, because you can collect endless inspiration there. You just have to be able to judge well enough for yourself where inspiration ends and slight self-destruction begins. Because when it feels more like a compulsion than motivation, the first alarm bells should slowly start ringing in the back of your head. If they don’t, you may well slowly get sucked into the pull, and getting out again takes real willpower and time. And again, you should take every spark of motivation that comes your way, because there’s nothing more boring than standing still, but you should also simply be able to accept certain things. There will always be someone who looks better, is more successful or simply has more - and not only materially. The art is to see that and simply be aware of it, without judging. Besides, intense comparing and chasing other people’s lives makes you lose something important, probably the most important thing of all: your own personality — something I probably preach too often and maybe think about a bit too intensely. Still, it’s what makes all of us who we are, what sets us apart from others, and why enough others like us. It would be a huge shame not to let this gem shine in its full glory just because something else might seem more attractive. (which, very often, it actually isn’t at all - and above all often hardly matches our own character traits)
Which brings me to the second big point that became clear to me. Adapting just to belong where you imagine it might be cool. I know that adapting is absolutely not a mistake, but it’s the degree of it that can sink the ship. If too little of your own character is left, you end up passing yourself off as someone you absolutely are not, someone you might like to be, or maybe not at all. All that just so you don’t seem different. To please. And it also takes away the most interesting thing you can actually offer - authenticity. A person who is authentic radiates it and automatically seems more interesting than someone who bends over backwards not to stand out badly. Besides, we believe that others pay much more attention to us than they actually do. The spotlight effect describes this phenomenon. A moment that may be hugely embarrassing or awkward for us, which we’re sure others will remember forever, may never even have shown up on their radar, because everyone is busy concentrating on themselves and the impression they make anyway. So it’s better to show a bit more of yourself every now and then, with the enormous risk that someone might find you “weird”.
Point three relates most clearly to me, but there are surely plenty of others who deal with it too. Saying yes. To everything. Helping wherever you can, never cancelling. And in the end losing yourself. Shittiest formula ever. But unfortunately also not that easy to change. What helps here is cutting back slowly and simply realising that others don’t hate you just because you say no once in a while. No 180° turn here either: if it’s part of who you are, it’s good to keep that trait. Just to a degree that isn’t harmful. And who doesn’t like having friends who help them? Just consider whether your own damage outweighs other people’s gain.
This text actually shows quite well why I keep coming back to topics like authenticity, and so it’s super self-reflective for me too. So, a tip from me: before every decision, or in quiet moments, look inward and become aware of whether all of this is really me, or whether I want to please or am chasing something that actually clashes with my inner self. It will pay off. Always stay swaggy.